Funny Politician Interview...

The scene - March 2009. Datuk Seri Mohd. Ali Bin Mohd. Rustam has just won the Deputy President post in the UMNO elections. By convention, he has also been appointed to be the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia . Soon after, criticism began to mount on his credentials as Deputy Prime Minister. Amongst those criticisms are that he lacks knowledge in foreign relations and the economy and also of his poor command of the English language.
In order to dispel those criticisms, an interview was arranged with American news company Bloomberg. Here is the transcript of that interview.

Interviewer: Good evening, you’re with me, Condelezza Cruz on a special interview with Mr. Mohd Ali Mohd Rustam, the new deputy prime minister of Malaysia . We will be asking his views on a number of pertinent issues in Malaysia and the world. First of all Mr. Ali Rustam, congratulations on being elected as Deputy President of the United Malays National Organization or UMNO, a part of the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition.

Ali Rustam: Tenkiu very much. Actuallyyyy… I want to correct you. I am actuallyyy a ‘Datuk Seri’. You know ‘Datuk Seri’? It’s a title we give in Malaysia . Like the ‘Sir’ that your Queen give you. But we got a lot of titles, got Datuk, Datuk Seri, Tan Sri and oso Tun.

Interviewer: My humblest apologies, Datuk Seri. And I believe that you are referring to the knighthood awarded by the His Majesty the Queen of England . However, Bloomberg is an American company.

Ali Rustam: Amerika? Sorry, sorry, you all look the same. Of course, Amerika. Oh you got Obama right? Obama is good! He is negro but he become President. Goodlah like that. Amerika now good, hopefully doesn’t become setan anymore. You know setan? We Muslims believe got Setan. Devil. Setan very bad. Amerika oso very bad last time, like devil. Now maybe with Obama Amerika can become good.

Interviewer: Yes, Mr. Obama is the first African American president of the United States .

Ali Rustam: Yeah, his father is negro, right?

Interviewer: (ignoring the ‘negro’ remark) It’s interesting Datuk Seri that you brought up Mr. Obama as the first black American president. Can you ever see the same thing happening in Malaysia ?

Ali Rustam: No, no, no, Malaysia don’t have negros. Indians have lah.

Interviewer: Can an ethnic Indian become the prime minister then? Or an ethnic Chinese?

Ali Rustam: No, no, no, cannot! Only Melayu can become PM. You see, the Malaysia is last time owned by the Malays Only later the Indians and Chinese come. We take them in, of course. We got this social contract between the races. They cannot become PM, of course. In Malaysia we got ketuanan Melayu, you know? You know ketuanan Melayu?

Interviewer: Yes, I am familiar with the concept of ‘ketuanan Melayu’, or Malay supremacy.

Ali Rustam: Yes, yes, Malays are supremacy. Malaysia used to be tanah Melayu you see? Now it is Malaysia , but still belong to the Malays. You see, you must understand, Malays have our own ajenda. The Chinese and Indians must understand. They are Malaysian oso, but they cannot lebih-lebih, you see?

Interviewer: So it’s impossible to see a non-Malay PM in Malaysia ?

Ali Rustam: Not impossible-lah. Nothing is impossible. But cannot lah. Like I said, Malays have got our own ajenda. The Chinese and Indians oso got thier ajenda. So we got to compromise lah. You white people won’t understand.

Interviewer: Actually Datuk Seri, I am Hispanic.

Ali Rustam: Why you panic?

Interviewer: Hispanic. It’s alright Datuk Seri. Moving on, with the world being embroiled in the global financial crisis, what steps will Malaysia take to buffer the effects?

Ali Rustam: Buffer means what?

Interviewer: To cushion the effects.

Ali Rustam: Oh, kusyen. Actuallyyyy… this ekonomi question all you don’t ask me. The Finance Minister is Datuk Najib, our PM. Or you can ask the mamak guy, what’s his name? Oh Nor Yaacop. Ekonomi is not my portfolio. I am ketua menteri Melaka. I know about tourism. You know Melaka?

Interviewer: It is a state in the Federation of Malaysia, am I correct?

Ali Rustam: Correct! Goodlah you, you know Melaka. You must already watch the Shah Rukh Khan movie One Two Ka Four right? Good movie right? You know, we give Datuk to Shah Rukh Khan? He told me he is very happy, he said he will come to Melaka always. We oso thinking of naming a street after him. Jalan Shah Rukh Khan. Probably in those DAP areas.

Interviewer: Can I just pick up on what you said. You mentioned the Democratic Action Party or DAP, part of the opposition coalition of Pakatan Rakyat, or People’s Alliance . Last year, the oppositon have made siginificant inroads during the 12th General Elections. Can you share with us your thoughts on why this occured.

Ali Rustam: Actuallyyy… these opposition they lie to the people. They say that UMNO is bad. We are not bad. We are good! We lead Malaysia for 51 years you know! You see, Malaysia now very developed! They won a lot because they lie to people. But I think now the people understand, the people realize that only UMNO and Barisan Nasional can take care of Malaysia.

Interviewer: But you cannot deny that their influence have increased, especially under the leadership of Mr. Anwar Ibrahim.

Ali Rustam: Anwar? He is big liar. He lie to the people. he said last year September 16 he can make the government, but don’t have! We still the government! No one believes him. You know, he got big problems already. You know he has court case? I don’t want to say anything lah, but a guy said that Anwar sodomized him. I don’t want to say anything about that lah. But the guy swear on the Quran that Anwar did it. Swearing is not a small thing you know!

Interviewer: …

Ali Rustam: But like I said, I don’t want to say anything about that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. I tell you what I think later, okay?

Interviewer: … Moving on, as the new deputy prime minister, what is your vision for the future of Malaysia .

Ali Rustam: Vision? Oh you mean Vision 2020. That one last time our former PM, Tun Mahathir, you know him?

Interviewer: Yes, Dr. Mahathir Bin Mohammad.

Ali Rustam: Good, you know! So last time Tun came up with vision 2020. Wawasan Dua Puluh Dua Puluh, we say in Malay. And then you know Pak Lah become PM. You know Pak Lah?

Interviewer: Yes Datuk Seri. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the former PM.

Ali Rustam: So Pak Lah came and he extended vision 2020. So now vision 2020 is in 2050.

Interviwer: So its now vision 2050?

Ali Rustam: No, no, no, you whites don’t understand. It’s still vision 2020, but in 2050. But now that Datuk Seri Najib is the PM, I dunno whether its still in 2050 or 2020. But to answer your question, yes, I have vision 2020.

Interviwer: … That is all the time we have for this interview. Once again Datuk Seri, congratulations on being the deputy UMNO President, and congratulations on being appointed as the deputy prime minister. All the best to you and your country.

Ali Rustam: Your welcome. This interview shown on Astro, right? What time?

Interviwer: … We’ll inform you later.

Note: This is a purely fictional interview, conjured up for the sake of humour. I am not implying that Mr. Ali Rustam is a bad at foreign relations, ethnic relations, the economy nor am I implying that his English is bad. Basically, I am not implying that the real Ali Rustam is an idiot. I’m sure he isn’t. (from a blogger)